How to Pick a GOOD Christmas Tree

Before you leave on your quest for the perfect Christmas tree, there are a few simple exercises you can do in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Practice your "no" and/or your "I like this one better" face. You don't have to be confined to verbally expressing your opinions, instead you can wield the formidable weapon that is your body language.

Step 2: Now that we've got the basic facial expressions out of the way, we can move on to the area outside of your home known by some as "The Great Outdoors". Now, you can't just rush out into the cold air after sitting in front of the fire all day. First, some stretching and enhaling of the fresh scent of "outside" is in order.
Good.

Step 3: Now it's time to pick out the "very best tree", a fine specimen of its species, king of all Christmas trees... and then kill it.

This may be a confusing time. How do you know that a particular tree is indeed "the best". Make sure you change your mind at least twice, pace, grimace and don't be afraid to employ your "no face" that you practiced before you left.

Good.

VERY good!
Keep looking...
No, not that one!
Yes, that's the one.
Step 4: Cut that sucker down...
Don't forget to have fun... after all, this is an essential part of the Christmas "spirit".
Step 5: Push it up onto the top of your vehicle.
Tie it down. Take it home. Untie it. Put it in a metal thingy that will hold water and let it live for a few more days... just long enough for you to unwrap the presents you'll shove under it.
Step 6: Then you DECORATE!
Viola! Your very own Christmas tree!

Merry Christmas